Nathan's Child Page 16

  “Yes.”

  “Still working on the book?”

  Nathan nodded.

  “So,” Douglas said eagerly, “what’s next?”

  “Dunno.” Nathan didn’t look as if he cared, either. He cut another piece of pancake and swabbed it in the syrup on his plate.

  Douglas looked surprised. He tapped his fingers on the table impatiently. “Surely you must have something lined up.”

  “Not at the moment.” Nathan turned away from his father, looking at Rhys instead. “How about you and Mariah bringing the kids down this fall?”

  “Yeah, sure. If you’re going to be there.”

  “I’m going to be there,” Nathan said almost fiercely.

  Both Douglas and Rhys looked at him, surprised.

  The subject of Nathan’s work wasn’t brought up again. It didn’t stop Carin from thinking about it. And when Izzy called shortly after they got back to Mariah’s and suggested coming by to pick Lacey up, Carin found herself saying yes.

  As soon as Lacey left with the MacCauleys, Carin went in search of Nathan.

  He was standing on the deck of their little studio apartment. He had his hands braced on the railing and was staring out over the gardens. But as she stood inside the screen door and watched him, she didn’t think he was seeing any of them. His mind seemed a thousand miles away.

  “Lacey left with Izzy,” Carin said, opening the screen door.

  Nathan whirled around, his expression betraying his surprise at the sight of her. Whatever else was going on in his head, though, she couldn’t tell.

  “They invited us to a barbecue at their place later tonight,” she went on. “They’re very nice.”

  “Yeah, they are.”

  She put her hands on the back of one of the deck chairs. It gave her something to hold on to. “Did Gaby have an offer for you?”

  “What?” He scowled, then raked a hand through his hair. Shrugging, he turned away. “She’s always got ideas.”

  “She thinks you need to get back to work.”

  He turned his head and glared at her. “I’ve been working.”

  “Yes.” She moved around the chair and went to stand alongside him, looking out over the tiny back gardens two stories below. “But you can’t do that forever. What is Gaby’s idea?”

  “Another book about Zeno. The publisher wants me to go back, follow him some more. See if he’s still out there. Shoot the sequel.” Nathan’s mouth twisted.

  “That’s a wonderful idea.”

  “Just dandy. But I’m not going.”

  “Why not? Lacey would be so impressed.”

  Nathan’s knuckles whitened on the railing. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t look at her now. He stared out into the gardens.

  “You don’t have to stay just because you told me you were going to,” Carin went on carefully in the face of his silence.

  “Yes, I do,” he said through his teeth. “I’m going to stay.”

  “Why?”

  “Because,” he said, turning now so that his blue gaze collided with hers, “I’m not leaving until you marry me. I told you that.”

  “But it’s a good idea. And you can’t—”

  His jaw clenched. “I’m not going, Carin. You’re not getting rid of me that way.” He turned away and strode quickly back into the apartment. He banged out the door and clattered down the stairs without a backward glance.

  The summer night was warm but not humid. The backyard barbecue at the MacCauleys was a resounding success.

  Lacey and Finn and Izzy’s daughters—“They used to be nieces,” Lacey informed Carin, “but Finn and Izzy adopted them”—had become fast friends. They shared interests in photography and painting and a boy band that had a cute lead singer. Lacey was eager for them to come visit at Pelican Cay. And not just Tansy and Pansy, the twins, but Finn and Izzy and the little boys, too.

  She thought the little boys, Rip and Crash—“Don’t ask,” said Izzy when she introduced Carin to the two dark-haired preschoolers—were so much fun.

  “I wouldn’t mind a brother,” Lacey confided to Carin, “now that Dad’s back.”

  The look Carin gave her must have precipitated second thoughts because Lacey said quickly, “Or, um, not.” And seeing Izzy carrying a tray of lemonade out onto the patio, she hurried to help, leaving her mother by herself—to observe, to ponder, to reflect.

  It was a lovely evening. A good time was had by all. And it was nearly eleven by the time they all got back to Rhys and Mariah’s. Stephen and Lizzie fell asleep in the stroller. Lacey, who had bounced through the evening, began to slow down on the walk back uptown.

  They had to get up early to catch a flight and so, when they got home, she fell into bed without a murmur and only one question.

  “We can come back soon, can’t we, Mom?”

  Carin smiled and kissed her good-night. Then she took a shower while Nathan made up the beds. When she came out, the beds were made up, and he said gruffly, “My turn,” and brushed past her into the bathroom.

  Carin lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

  When she’d imagined coming to New York with Lacey, it hadn’t been to a place like this. She’d imagined a hotel, not a home. She’d imagined strangers, not friends. She’d imagined herself and Lacey on their own.

  It hadn’t been anything like that.

  But it had been good.

  Even in her sleep, Lacey had had a smile on her face. She’d had a wonderful time in New York. She’d had a wonderful time with her family. With the Wolfes. She loved them, and they clearly loved her. They’d taken her into their hearts and their homes.

  They had done much the same with Carin. Though Dominic had reason to dislike her, though they all had reason to resent her for what she’d done to Dominic and then for having kept Lacey’s existence hidden for so long, they had actually welcomed her, too.

  They had made her feel as if she was a part of their family. They had rekindled her longings, had reanimated her dreams. They had made her want things she had long ago told herself she would never have—not with Nathan.

  The shower shut off. She heard him moving around in the bathroom. Seconds later the door opened and he appeared, lean and hard and beautiful, wearing only boxers, as he moved toward his bed.

  She wanted him. Still. All the years and all the determination and all the heartache never managed to change that.

  But what about Nathan? What did Nathan want? Really?

  He pushed back the sheet and slid in, lying down flat on his back. If Carin looked at him out of the corner of her eye, she could see the rise and fall of his chest.

  She knew what he would say he wanted—her. But that was duty speaking. And she didn’t want him to marry her because of “duty”. But she knew he wasn’t going to turn his back on that duty. Obviously, he would turn his back on his career first.

  In the silence she drew a breath. “Nathan?”

  He jumped at the sound of her voice, then let out a harsh sigh, as if he’d hoped she was asleep and had suddenly discovered she was not. “What?”

  She swallowed and stared at the ceiling, afraid to look at him, knowing her own duty. “I’m ready to get married.”

  CHAPTER TEN

  NATHAN ROLLED onto his side and stared at her, unsure he’d heard right.

  Carin didn’t stare back. She didn’t even look at him. She was staring straight at the ceiling, looking like one of those bodies carved on the tops of sarcophagi, hands folded below her breasts, eyes focused on the heavens.

  He ran his tongue over his lips. “You’re ready to get married?” He cleared his throat. “To who?”

  Her head whipped around and she rolled to face him. Even in the near darkness he could see the outraged expression on her face. “Fine! Never mind. I just thought it made sense, but if you don’t want to, that’s perfectly okay with me.” There was a high, tight tone in her voice that surprised him.

  He held up a hand. “Whoa! Hang on. You just…su
rprised me. You’re serious?”

  “No, I’m joking. Of course, I’m serious.”

  “Why? Why now?” More to the point.

  For that he got another glare. But damn it, he needed to ask. Dared to hope.

  Carin pressed her lips together for a long moment, then she gave a little shrug. “It makes sense.” She didn’t sound annoyed now. She sounded distant, almost indifferent.

  Nathan’s hopes wavered. Hardly a declaration of her un-dying love. “Sense?”

  She gave him an impatient scowl. “You’re the one who thought so in the first place. Duty and responsibility and all that. Isn’t that what you said?”

  “Yeah, but—”

  “Well, I’ve decided you’re right. You’re not the only one who can be dutiful and responsible.” Her chin jutted.

  Nathan felt a hollow ache begin. “So,” he said slowly, “you’re willing to get married out of duty?”

  “Yes. It would be good for Lacey.”

  “I said that weeks ago.”

  “With just us, I couldn’t see it. But now that I’ve seen her with your brothers and your father and your family…she’s happy. I mean, she was happy before, but she didn’t have a family. Lacey always wanted a family.” The tightness was there in her voice again. Nathan wasn’t sure what it meant.

  So it all came back to Lacey?

  “And that’s all?” He shouldn’t push. He couldn’t make her say words that weren’t true—even if he wanted desperately to hear them.

  “I figure it’s better for you, too. So you can go back to work. Do the assignment Gabriela wants you to do.”

  His teeth came together. “That’s why you’re marrying me? To get rid of me?”

  “I’m trying to be sensible, Nathan. You’ll hurt your career by insisting on staying, by being so stubborn. And if you don’t know it, I do. I’m trying to tell you don’t have to.”

  “Thanks very much,” he said bitterly.

  “Look,” Carin said impatiently, “you wanted us to be a family. You came down insisting that I marry you so you could ‘do the right thing’. Fine, I’ve agreed. Let’s do it. We’ll get married—and then you can get back to your life!”

  His life. He didn’t have a life anymore—not without Carin and Lacey.

  But how the hell could he say that when she was wishing him gone? And how the hell could he pack up and leave without marrying her if she was finally agreeable?

  It might be a marriage built on duty, but at least it would be a marriage—a starting point.

  Given time, Nathan told himself, they could build something solid. They could find the love they’d lost—the love he’d killed. And yes, he might have to go away from time to time, but perhaps they would go with him. He’d have a right to ask them to if he and Carin were married. And even if she said no, if they were married he would always have the right to come back.

  So he didn’t get love in the bargain. At least he got the chance to earn it.

  “Okay,” he said. “Let’s do it.”

  They did it.

  Early the next morning Nathan canceled their flight home. “Got other plans,” he told Rhys who was fixing toast fingers for Stephen. “We’ll go tomorrow. Today we’re getting married.”

  Rhys’s jaw dropped. The knife clattered to the floor.

  Nathan glared. “Don’t act surprised. It’s what everybody wanted.”

  “Well, yeah,” Rhys said, then added carefully, “As long as it’s what you want.”

  “It’s what I want. Can Dominic pull some strings? Get us a license and a J.P.?”

  “He did it for himself,” Rhys said. “I don’t see why he wouldn’t do it for you.” He paused. “Does Carin know about this?”

  “Of course she knows. It was her damned idea!”

  Rhys raised a brow. “And is she as happy about it as you are?”

  “I don’t think so, no,” Nathan said honestly. He punched in Dominic’s phone number. “Hey,” he said when his brother answered. “Is this Weddings by Wolfe? Want to be my best man?”

  Dominic, thank God, was enthusiastic. He didn’t ask annoying questions like Rhys did. He said, “I’ll take care of everything and call you back.”

  He called back in less than an hour with everything arranged. “Everything but a dress,” he said. “Sierra said she and Mariah can help Carin with that.” He rattled off an address downtown. “Be there by three-thirty.” He paused. “Is Carin cool with this?”

  “Why does everybody think I’m forcing her to marry me?”

  “Just wondered. Anyway, speaking from experience,” Dominic said dryly, “I’m sure if she doesn’t want to, she just won’t show up.”

  Lacey was thrilled when Carin told her the news. She gasped, grinned, then whooped and yelled and threw her arms around her mother.

  “I knew it! I knew you still loved each other! Oh, this is perfect! Wait’ll I tell Tansy and Pansy. Wait’ll I tell Lorenzo.” She jumped out of bed and began dancing around the room.

  Carin took comfort in the fact that Lacey was delighted, because for her part, she was scared to death about what she’d done.

  She’d caved in.

  She’d rationalized it to Nathan—she’d babbled on about wanting Lacey to have a solid connection to her uncles and grandfather, about Lacey herself wanting to be part of a family. She’d brought up Nathan’s career and what he owed to it.

  All very true.

  But she never said the truest thing of all—that she was marrying Nathan because she loved him, because she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. And she simply couldn’t fight it any longer. She could deny him the words because she didn’t want to be pathetic, because she didn’t want him feeling sorry for her.

  But she couldn’t deny it in her heart.

  She had sworn she wouldn’t marry unless her love was reciprocated. But that was selfish—and it was asking for the impossible. You couldn’t make a person love you.

  She wished Nathan loved her, but right now she would take what she could get. She was too weak to fight any longer.

  It was the right thing to do for Lacey. It was the right thing to do for Nathan.

  And if she knew the pain of loving without being loved—well, it couldn’t be helped. At least she would have him in her life.

  Maybe, given time…

  But she wouldn’t let herself go there.

  First she would marry him. Then she would hope he would fall in love with her.

  “You’re married?” Fiona was astonished to hear the news.

  “You got hitched?” Hugh didn’t sound quite so surprised.

  “’Bout time, that’s what I say.” Estelle put her hands on her hips and gave them a satisfied smile. “Didn’t I tell you they were right for each other?” she asked her husband, Maurice.

  Maurice bobbed his head. “You surely did.”

  “Well, if you’re all done passing judgment,” Nathan said, “maybe you could give me a hand putting the luggage in the Jeep. Carin and Lacey brought back presents for everyone on the island.”

  It was a calculated request, meant to make clear—in case Carin or Hugh or anyone else had other ideas—that Carin and Lacey were coming home with him. He shouldn’t have had to worry.

  But though she had smiled at the wedding and though she had let him hold her hand during the reception and put his arm around her when they left Rhys and Mariah’s a day late, she had never unbent.

  She hadn’t bolted as she had when she’d been going to marry Dominic. She had shown up. She had said her vows. But the woman who had married him yesterday was definitely a woman fulfilling a duty. He had his work cut out for him.

  “Can Zeno come?” Lacey asked.

  Since Zeno had already jumped in the Jeep, and was even now panting happily at Nathan, there was only one answer. Nathan was inclined to say yes, anyway. “Sure. Why not?”

  Lacey talked all the way home, making plans for tomorrow, who to go see, who to tell about her adventures, who to
regale with the story of her parents’ wedding.

  Nathan let it all wash over him, making appropriate noises when required. It went with being a father, he’d discovered. He had no problem with it. So far fatherhood had come remarkably easily.

  It was being a husband that was going to be tricky.

  He wanted to be a good one. He wanted to be a real one.

  So when Carin opened her mouth as he carried the bags upstairs, he said flatly, “We’re married. We’re sharing a bedroom.”

  Carin’s expression grew shuttered and unreadable. But she closed her mouth and gave an almost imperceptible nod of her head.

  So much for romance.

  Of course she didn’t expect it. She’d warned herself not to. They were married, but it was hardly a marriage of love.

  Still, somehow she had hoped.

  Fool, Carin derided herself. You knew better. But even so, it hurt that he was so abrupt, so harsh. He wanted her physically, that much was clear. He would share his body with her. But he wasn’t going to give her his heart.

  She wished she could refuse to sleep with him. She couldn’t. Lacey would expect them to sleep together. But even acknowledging that, Carin knew it wasn’t the whole truth—the truth was she wanted him. It was pathetic. She was pathetic.

  But if this marriage was not going to be complete misery, they had to start somewhere.

  They might as well start in bed. It was the place their relationship had begun to go wrong. Maybe now they could start to put it right.

  They managed to be pleasant and polite, even teasing a bit, while Lacey was still up. But as soon as she’d gone to bed, the tension between them grew like a storm filling the sky. It wasn’t terribly late, but all Carin could think about was her bag upstairs in Nathan’s bedroom, about what it meant, about what the night would bring.

  “Do you want a glass of wine?” Nathan asked. She was standing on the deck, staring out at the ocean, hoping that the evening breeze would cool her heated flesh.

  Quickly she shook her head. “I’m fine. I…think I might like a bath.”

  When she’d finished she put on a thin silk nightgown—a gift from Mariah and Sierra and far more elegant than the T-shirt and gym shorts she’d worn in New York—and went into the bedroom.